Having a son come to us and tell us he is gay has been challenging, confusing, and at times has driven me crazy.  But one thing was clear from the beginning - we needed to love Marc and make sure he was circled in the arms of our love.  We felt very strongly impressed that above all else he is  our son and we need to love him.   We have repeatedly felt things will work out.  It is in the Lord's hand.  It is our job to love.  Otherwise he will associate the withdrawal of our love with the our religion and we loose any righteous influence we might have over him.  Marc told me once, that if he did not know we loved him, he would have killed himself.  A terrifying thought.
     We made it clear that we did not agree with his lifestyle choice.  But we knew that trying to force him, threaten him, or withdrawing our love would only bring into his life more anxiety, depression and self loathing than he was already struggling with.  He did not choose to be gay.  I cannot image being a 25 year old man and struggling with a same gender attraction.
      Marc has a partner that we have chosen to love as our own.  He is a wonderful, accomplished, young man that has been a blessing to Marc.
      Marc does not hate the church.  But it is a very painful issue for him.  At one point I pointedly talked to him about how he feels about his religion.  He later told me how furious he was at me for bringing it up.  It brought back to him all of the painful, self loathing feelings he had experienced at BYU.  He asked me to never bring it up again.  If he wanted to talk about it, he would bring it up.  I have honored that.  He told us he knows that God loves him.  He prays.  He asks for blessings.  He just cannot see where he fits in.
      I am grateful to our families and friends for the love they have extended to Marc and Nate.
      Please don't use my blog as a forum for the debate on gay marriage or the issue of same gender attraction.  As my father said "Until you have walked in someones footsteps, you have no right to judge them."
      I have to two links that I feel are helpful with this issue.  The first link is by a devout Christian woman whose son was gay.  They lost their son to a drug overdose.  I could not believe that hateful posts that her link received.  The second is by Elder Rasband of the First Quorum of Seventies of the LDS Church.  We know Elder Rasband and he has been very helpful to us personally on this issue.
Elder Rasband's link is right below justbeacusehebreathes.  I retrieved it from his Facebook page.

 http://justbecausehebreathes.com
 http://bit.ly/1Jc7lzb

     Terri

     This weekend Brent and I drove up to Idaho Falls for my high school's 45th reunion.  I have never been to a reunion.  I deeply hoped that a few of my dearest childhood friends would be there.  I had not seen two childhood friends since they left on their missions for the LDS Church.  Other friends I had lost track of.  Seeing all of them again was one of the ten best days of my life.   
     As I laid in bed that night at my brother's house, I reflected on my life.    My life is an accumulation of so my small things.  I thought of the beautiful Snake River Valley I had grown up in.  My home in some ways was dysfunctional.  But I was feed, clothed and taken on endless camping and boating trips.  I knew I was safe their.  My parents made endless sacrifices for me.   
     I know that I am eternally indebted to the Dunkley Twins who took me under their wing in high school. I will never forget the primary lesson Nelda Empey presented to me on the Savior when I was nine years old.  I think of Vela Orme's Sunday School lesson on the Sacrament every time I partake of the Sacrament.  I can still hear the story Betty Davis told me in a Young Women's lesson about learning to communicate.  
     And my best friend, Linda Stosich.  We were Mutt and Jeff.  She was the scholar and I did not realize until I had Miss Garland my junior year in high school, that I could actually get a B in something.  Steve, Dave and Roger.  We learned how to walk together.  Pam, Susan, Marilyn and Kaylynn with whom I shared my dreams and sorrows.  Ken Stosich dragged me around the Teton's backpacking. (Much to my total delight!)  Afton and Dick Wood let me sleep in the front seat of their car when there was a thunderstorm at night at girl's camp.  (Thunder and lightning still terrifies me.)  Reconnecting with Sheryl after so many years.  I could fill pages.  
    I drove back to Salt Lake Saturday with a profound sense of gratitude for all of the people in that valley who made a difference in my life.  Little pebbles of kindness, love and tolerance that made a huge difference in my life.
    We make a difference everyday in someone's life. Maybe it is small.  But it will have an accumulative effect in someone's life.  My vow is to everyday get up and keep trying to be more pleasant, more forgiving, to smile, say a kind word, to be decent, hold my temper and not be grumpy.  I hope you will do this as well.  
    The funny part is, it will make a positive difference in our lives as well.

January 4, 2015

This Christmas marks the 10th Anniversary of the tsunami that struck Indonesia and many other areas.  Our son Marc was a Mormon Missionary on the northern part of the Indonesian Island of Sumatra where the tsunami killed 250,000 people.  Fortunately he was on the eastern side of the island in Medan.  He felt the earthquake.  Linda Gibb's ,our Bishop's wife, called around 8AM on Sunday asking if Marc was all right.  I was unaware of what was going on.  We had talked to him the day before prior to the tsunami.  I hung up the phone and went straight to the computer.  It seemed that Medan had only felt the quake.  There was some damage.  We went to church.  Being a mother I was concerned.  As I sat there I could hear Marc saying to me as he would "MOM, I am all right."  It was a very strong impression.  Having him halfway around the world in that part of the world where so many people had been killed, was hard for me.  (We got an email from him two weeks later.  He had been to busy to write.  I wanted to smack him one.) I called the church.  The voice at the other end said "Oh, your son is one of the four missionaries on that island."  I was able to call Marc.  However, there was a problem.  Marc told me this Christmas, the phone was at the church.  Not at his apartment.  And the phone didn't always work.  So all my calling was pointless.  Marc's mission president had made a plane reservation earlier in the month to visit Medan the day after Christmas.  He was there the day after the tsunami.  That was the Savior intervening to get help to those who needed it.  President Jensen gave Marc and his three native companions money to buy relief supplies to go into the are hardest hit.  One of his companion's was from the area and knew were to go to buy the supplies.  Marc spent the next two weeks spending 18 hours a day buying supplies and unloading planes.  Medan became the point where all the relief supplies from around the world were flown into and loaded onto trucks.  He was had the privilege of helping.  He was so excited when one of the pilots of the planes gave him a Sprite.  It is not an easy thing to send a son or a daughter out into the world.  But I know the Lord takes care of His missionaries and the families at home.  Bad things may happen, but he Lord will make it right in the end.  He is in control and knows how out of control it seems to us.  I am on the Lord's side.  He will defeat the bad guys.  All will be made right.

I love Christmas music.  The right music bears such a clear testimony of the Savior.  As I listen to the hymns and songs that bring the spirit, I am renewed.  I find joy and happiness in listening to them over and over again.  Music is such a purveyor of light or darkness.  It will calm my soul when little else will.  It comforts me and strengthens me.  It cheers me up.  I shared above a connection to a song that this seasons that bears testimony to me of the reality of the Savior.  

Terri

I couldn't watch the news tonight.  One hundred and forty four dead children and teachers.  Vengeance once more has reared its ugly head.  Vengeance brings out the worst in humans.  It breeds in humans darkness, anger, pain and suffering.  When God said vengeance was mine, He was protecting us from the worst in ourselves.  I have learned to tell myself to let God take care of the offender.  In my life, forgiveness has opened the door to relief and healing.  I will never understand how an individual can knowingly be so dark and evil as to take such evil revenge on innocent children.  

     Jeff Benedict, a writer in New York and a Mormon, has one of the best articles on families and sons or daughters with same-gender attraction.  I really encourage people to read it.  It has been a help to me and reinforces conclusions that our family came to.    http://www.jeffbenedict.com/index.php/blog/35-blog/378-maybe-ill-meet-a-girl.  I cannot make choices for my son.  But I can love him and keep him near to us so that he is safe with us and hopefully someday will consider coming back to church.   He has had good and bad experiences with Mormons.  We hope there will be those who choose to love him and see all the good in him.  We see the hand of the Lord in his life and we are so grateful for that.  God remembers all of his children.
Terri

     As you can tell I am tinkering with my template.  And I haven't posted a new blog for a while.  Life just gets too busy to do it every week.  
     I have a list of favorite books.  One of them is Jeffrey Holland's Trusting Jesus.  I was reading it again.  Not all of it.  But I came across a section I would like to quote."John Donne said once:  "We ask our daily bread, and God never says, 'You should have come yesterday'…)No, he says,)'Today if you will hear my voice, today I will hear yours'…If thous hast been benighted till now, wintered and frozen, clouded and eclipsed, damp and benumbed, smothered and stupefied, til now, God yet comes to thee, not as in the dawning of day…but as the sun at (full) noon, to banish all shadows.'  Elder Holland continues "My witness is that He will deliver all the rest of us, too, that He will deliver the entire human family, if we will but "Take of sacred things."  How easily we are distracted.  The Sabbath, prayers, etc, are all meant to help us stay focused on what matters most.  On from where help, strength and comfort will come.  To not forget He who loves us so extraordinarily unconditionally.   Just a few thoughts.  Have a great day.  
    Terri