Prior to moving to Salt Lake, all of our children came to New York to see our son who had recently returned from his LDS mission in Indonesia and to see New York one more time before we moved. They had all been raised there. We went on Friday evening to the new LDS Temple in Manhattan. It was a joyous occasion. Everyone was happy and thriving. I thought now our kids were raised, passed the teenage years, all would be well and life would be bliss. It was a moment of insanity for me to think that. I came to realize as post partum depression engulfed our daughter, loss of my husband's job, a son who chose a gay lifestyle, moving, my mother moving in with me and a very stressful teaching job, that life never gets easier. Challenges come in waves that ebb and flow. I struggled. As a mother it was hard not to let my children's challenges consume me. I wanted to be able to fix them. A very wise friend and counselor helped me realize that all of the thinking, stressing and worrying would not fix it. That I had to let go. I was in the cheering section. They were in the playing field. My job was to love them and to find joy in my life. To see all that I did have.
The Book of Mormon wisely teaches us that "Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy." I begin praying eight years into my daughter's struggle with mental illness that God would help her to find joy. I longed to hear her laugh. To know joy. I learned to accept that things might never changed and to pray that I learn how to live with that.
My son is still gay. That is his choice. But I can love him. I can keep him close so that he will open up to me when he needs to. My daughter is finding joy and doing much better. I still struggle with stress. I have listed below two talks of two of my favorite LDS leaders. They are a great strength to me. I hope they help you. My we all find joy!
Terri
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1941Elder (D.Todd Christofferson's CES Fireside Talk called "Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread. This is one of my favorite all time talks. )
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng" ("Grateful in Any Circumstances" by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
You are foundation, brick, and strength to your family. I hope that you will never ever underestimate the influence you have on your family. Your son still worry about making his mother happy. Your daughter, in midst of her darkness, will never forget many happy moments she shared with you and how much you love her. My sister who left the church and then returned to it told us, "Even though that I rejected the truth, I still never could forget its light and steadiness. Nothing came in the equal of it." I remember still acutely how difficult and painful it was when she left the church and scorned everything we believe in. Yet, I often was told by the Spirit, "Keep on going." The same voice that urged me on when my dad died. Even when my mother lay dying in ICU and died in the end. Also many difficult moments in my life, it urged me on. No wonder- because we are His sheep and we had to be urged on. I think it was why we admired the handcart pioneers . . . They kept on going when all seemed lost. I hope it won't be sounding too preachy. I hope that I will also give you a bit of hope on personal basis. I won't sound too better than those wonderful and inspired talks like general authorities give. We love you and want to be your strength too.
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